THIS winter is a battle between the cold and the cost of living crisis. But how long will you last before putting the heating on? Find out.
How are you preparing for the cold?
A) I’m making little changes. Wearing jumpers in the evenings, sleeping under an extra blanket, drinking hot chocolate. Pretty reasonable measures, really.
B) I’m trying to recalibrate my body by wild swimming in a nearby river every morning. Compared to those frosty waters, the chilly embrace of winter feels like a holiday in the tropics.
How tight are you with money?
A) I’m sensible but not miserly. If I have to spend a few quid to stop the pipes from freezing up then I will. I’d rather that than them flooding everywhere.
B) I unwind in the evenings by sitting in the dark and staying glued to the smart meter. If anyone so much as flicks on a light for two seconds, I’ll know.
When do you usually put the heating on?
A) Late October/early November. Maybe that’s a bit too soon but it wasn’t always prohibitively expensive. I miss those days.
B) If I can see my breath indoors and there are icicles growing on the ceiling then I might consider filling a hot water bottle. Even then it’s only a 50-50 chance.
Are you prepared to lose fingers to frostbite?
A) God no. Energy bills are one thing, but it’s important to look after my health too. Only an insane person would be ready to do that.
B) Bring it on. Missing digits would be a badge of honour.
Are you a dad who exerts tyrannical control over the heating?
B) Get the f**k away from the thermostat.
Mostly As: You could crumble any day now, if you haven’t already. You might be able to buy some time by investing in an electric blanket, but there’s no way you’ll hold out until December.
Mostly Bs: Temperatures would have to drop to Antarctic lows for you to even consider putting the heating on, and even then you would see how long you could last wearing a fifth jumper.