Wednesday, 30th September 2020

'Who on earth has six mates?' man wonders

A MAN who only has four friends is wondering what sort of person would be so popular that limiting gatherings to six people would be a problem.

Martin Bishop, 45, has had a maximum of five friends in his life, and only enjoys the company of more than six people at work, weddings and funerals.

Bishop said: “My current friends are Pete, Roger, Gerard and Emma. Who are these people with more than six friends? Lady Gaga?

“I’m deliberately not counting my wife as a friend, because that would be cheating. In any case, four friends is plenty, although Gerard’s technically my postman. We have some great chats about Royal Mail parcel deliveries though. 

“I had another friend called Kevin in primary school but we lost touch when we were eight. I was at my most popular in secondary school when I knew a John and a Gary, because we all sat at the same table in form period.

“If you ask me these people with seven, eight or nine friends don’t have proper friendships at all. It’s just collecting friends like weirdos collect butterflies. Pretty pathetic really. 

“The thing is, I’m discerning. If you don’t share my passion for Airfix models of tanks and craft ale then I’m just not that into you.”