Tuesday, 7th July 2020

'You can have it all' confirms man who squeezed in two w*nks before work

MEN can 'have it all' according to a 38-year-old who managed to masturbate twice before work.

Wayne Hayes has carved out a career as a high-flying marketing executive while also pursuing his dream of pleasuring himself as much as humanly possible.

Hayes explained: “Men always think they have to choose, either having a career or jerking off, but that’s just not the case.

“It’s all about time management and wanting it enough. You’ve got to be willing to stretch yourself, and I don’t just mean your foreskin. But yes, I do also mean your foreskin.

“Some men think they have to be ‘stay-at-home’ w*nkers who live off their wives because they don’t think they can hold down a job and find time for a cheeky hand shandy.

“But there are some simple things you can do. For example, I convinced my wife to let me turn the second bedroom into a 'study'.”

Hayes' wife Sandra added: “I know what he’s doing in there. He has a serious problem.”