Young London couple build dream home out of avocado

A COUPLE have finally acquired their dream home by hollowing out an avocado and living inside it.

Eleanor Shaw and Tom Logan had despaired of getting on the property ladder in London, and found themselves contemplating either suicide or moving to Kent.

But the twenty-something pair realised that they could combine their dream of owning property with their ironclad commitment to brunch by simply turning avocados into a cosy, eco-friendly living space.

Shaw, a freelance designer, said: “Tom had this brilliant idea, which he unfortunately insists on calling a life hack, that the skin of an avocado is durable and waterproof, and relatively spacious, for London.”

Logan, a PR executive, said: “There’s not much room for furniture, but we can’t afford it anyway, because my travelcard costs £220 a month and Ellie is usually paid in ‘exposure.’

“We’re thinking of trying for a baby, but we’d probably have to get a second avocado.

“The important thing is, we’re not in Kent.”

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If it doesn’t make you piss in a wardrobe, is it really alcohol? asks Britain

BRITISH drinkers have confirmed that any alcoholic drink that does not make you vomit, start a fight or urinate in or on furniture is just fizzy pop.

Drinkers are insisting that any tipple that does not result in a three day hangover and crushing guilt is a criminal waste of time.

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: “I drank five pints of this three and a half per cent ‘beer’ last night and I ended up having a nice chat with my mates about Star Wars and the environment and stuff.

“I didn’t  call anyone a shit or send any inappropriate texts. I even made plans to meet people for brunch!

“Then I just went home, made some cheese on toast, put my PJs on and watched Graham Norton. It was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.

“Anyway, never again.  I have promised myself that next weekend I will drink proper British alcohol and wake up with half a cheeseburger rammed into my underpants before taking my wardrobe to the tip.”