Baby bullshit websites weirdly using ‘mama’ instead of ‘mum’

WEBSITES and blogs about baby bullshit are weirdly obsessed with the word ‘mama’, it has been claimed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies found that 81 per cent of baby bullshit sites had ‘mama’ in the title despite the word being obviously annoying.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “That term fell out of usage in 1983 and since then was used only in the titles of serial killer films.

“However sanctimonous baby claptrap website owners seem to love it. It makes them feel warm inside.

“Weirder still they are not all American.”

‘Mama’ Mary Fisher writes a blog called Hip Organic Snuggle Mama. She said: “My blog is a cold-hearted exercise in wooing corporate sponsors with a mix of cloying sentimentality and cunning product placement.

“If you don’t like that then you hate babies, and by extension, humanity.”


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Cocktail barman overly concerned about customers making right choice

A COCKTAIL barman cares too deeply about which drink his customers order, it has emerged.

Tom Booker always explains every single thing on the menu in elaborate detail, even if customers are only interested in the alcohol content and whether a drink comes with free peanuts.

While serving a couple, Booker explained: “You could have a Long Island Ice Tea but if you’re not a vodka kinda guy that’s probably not for you.”

Then we’ve got the Old Fashioned but that depends how much you like your whiskeys or rums.

“I don’t want to pressure you into having a cocktail that is not exactly right for where you are in your life right now.”

Customer Julian Cook said: “He’s just trying to do a good job but we really just wanted to get the fuck on with it. It’s not like we’re buying a house or something.”

Booker said: “I sincerely hope they enjoy them. Really, I do.

Being a cocktail barman is like being a social worker or a doctor. You’ve really got to love helping people to do it.”