BBC chairman arranging Boris loan 'clear proof of left-wing bias'

THE BBC chairman’s role in arranging a £800k loan to Boris Johnson proves the corporation’s left-wing bias once and for all, critics claim. 

Richard Sharp put the former prime minister in touch with his loan guarantor, following which Sharp was made BBC chairman in clear evidence of the so-called independent broadcaster bowing to woke demands.

Helen Archer, of the coincidentally rival media empire of The Times, said: “How did a man with no experience in any relevant field became BBC chairman? Because he’s a leftie.

“Raking in £160,000 a year for letting Labour write the news, non-binary students with septum piercings write the sitcoms, and Gary Lineker to make up whatever football results suit his radical pro-Leicester agenda.

“Why did he arrange this loan? Boris didn’t need the money. Everyone knows he’s as solvent as he is principled. No, this was deliberately set up to embarass the Tories and overthrow the government, like Partygate and the Liz Truss government.

“This is the smoking gun that proves once and for all that the BBC is the enemy of Britain. Abolish the licence fee and sell off the good bits to my boss. It’s what Britain demands.”

She added: “What other explanation is there? That a prime minister was so desperate for cash he rewarded the guy who helped him out with a job he wasn’t remotely qualified for? Scarcely credible.”

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Woman doing Dry January discovers she can make terrible life choices sober, too

A WOMAN who has not drunk for more than three weeks has been alarmed to find she can still make f**king awful decisions without touching a drop.

Claims adjuster Nikki Hollis expected that swearing off alcohol would benefit her health, her skin and her propensity to bugger up relationships, only to have had a disastrous sexual encounter as recently as Friday. 

She said: “I’m not someone who should drink. I text, I cry, I snog the barman. So my heroic abstinence heralded a new me. 

“No. This weekend I lost my handbag, missed two trains and paid £60 for a taxi because I made it stop at KFC, then left my front door open and forgot to set my alarm. Without a single unit. 

“Worryingly, my poor performance at work isn’t being hungover on a Wednesday. On nothing but a vitamin smoothie I forgot a client meeting and mass emailed an MC Hammer Brexit meme to 8,400 people. 

She added: “And turns out I sleep with my best mate’s new boyfriend whether I’m pissed or not.”