Channel 4 staff launch investigation into what 'Leeds' is

CHANNEL 4 staff have begun an urgent investigation into where and what ‘Leeds’ is.  

As the company announced that it would be opening new headquarters in the city, hundreds of baffled London-based media professionals began a frantic fact-finding mission.

Executive Tom Booker said: “We sent a colleague that way once to report on Brexit, but all we got back was his nose so we just assumed they’d eaten the rest of him.”

Social media content curator Nikki Hollis added: “Do they even have ironic speakeasy-style nightspots there? Mixed-media creative hubs?

“If it doesn’t have a cereal cafe I’m not going.”

Meanwhile, the people of Leeds were delighted by the announcement, and promptly tripled the price of everything in preparation.

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Woman on dating app looking for 'something casual' despite wearing bridesmaid dress in all her photos

A WOMAN on a dating app has revealed she wants ‘something casual’ despite all her photos showing her in a bridesmaids dress or holding friends’ babies.

Emma Bradford, 28, said: “I only used those photos of me as a bridesmaid because my hair and make up had been professionally done on those days.

“Which is just a different kind of lie really.

“And what was I supposed to put? ‘Woman pushing 30 in need of sperm donor and bloke to be in her wedding photos with her’? Nah.”

Potential date, Martin Bishop, said: “I don’t mind that she’s lied a bit on her profile. I put that I’m a 6 foot 4, judge and fireman whose looking for a serious relationship.

“When actually I’m 6 foot 3, a barrister who used to be a fireman who’s really just looking for casual sex that has absolutely no long term future.”