Daily Mail publishes names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters

THE Daily Mail has published the names of all 3,363 Sleaford Labour voters as part of its ongoing catalogue of enemies of the people. 

Anyone who backed Labour in yesterday’s Sleaford by-election is, the newspaper argues, now a public figure because of their decision to defy the will of Britain by not voting Conservative.

Mail journalist Helen Archer said: “After judges and MPs, this was the next logical step.

“These voters chose to stand in the way of Britain’s chosen destiny, meaning the views of this newspaper, and they should have the courage to justify their decisions in front of, say, an angry mob.

“Many of them have connections with the EU including holidays within it of up to two weeks, so they were biased and had no business voting in the first place.

“Obviously it would be terrible if anything bad were to happen to any of them, and in case it does we’ve reserved a one-inch space to report on it at the bottom of page 46.”

Sleaford resident Mary Fisher said: “Once again, the Mail is Britain’s conscience.

“Kill them. Kill them all.”

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Saudi king assumes May got permission from husband before 'slapping down' Boris Johnson

SAUDI Arabia has welcomed Theresa May’s decision to criticise Boris Johnson on the basis that she must have cleared it with her husband.

May stressed the Foreign Secretary was wrong to point out Saudi Arabia’s role in destabilising the Middle East, stressing the Saudi regime had ‘superb taste’ in British-made military aircraft.

A spokesman for King Salman said: “Your prime minister, Philip May, has apologised and we welcome his reassurance that your country will remain a dutiful servant.

“It is unfortunate that he chose to express himself through his woman. We look forward to normalising our diplomatic relationship as soon as possible.”

The spokesman said the King now expected a ‘conciliatory gift’ from Britain, such as the Lake District National Park or an actor who has played James Bond.