Daily Mail scurrying about like a horrid little spider

THE DAILY Mail is scurrying around like a spider trying to get up society’s trouser leg, it has emerged.

The poisonous news-arachnid is busily skittering hither and thither on its pointy little legs, trying to find an entry point where it can get in and lay its tiny black eggs of blame.

It said: “I’m just running around very fast on my spindly black legs, looking for the vulnerable spot. It could be Muslims, MPs, single mums or some other type of woman.

“Then I’m in. Don’t hate me, it’s just my despicable nature. Sometimes I pray I’ll get eaten by a mouse.”

Household Mary Fisher said: “At first I was scared of it, now I’m just determined to catch it under a glass and lob it out the window.”