BREXIT has been a disaster in many fields, but the BBC are duty-bound not to say it. What are they saying instead?
‘The global fruit shortage’
Never mind that farms have had to leave entire harvests rotting for want of pickers because Brexiters couldn’t bear the idea of all those foreigners in our fields. There is a mysterious shortage of fruit for some reason only nature understands that oddly isn’t happening just across the sea in the EU.
It’s not that Brexit stopped tens of thousands of drivers from living and working in the UK and caused them to return to the EU. No, it’s actually that a lorry jackknifing on the M25 in July has caused a delay to supplies that could last anywhere between three and 50 years. Pesky traffic.
‘New EU red tape’
The mess we find ourselves in isn’t due to us leaving the customs union, which should have caused no inconvenience whatsoever. No, it’s the belligerent EU applying their usual rules to non-members, like a gym insisting you can’t go bollock naked into their sauna now you don’t pay for it anymore.
‘A bizarre shortage of human beings’
Despite widespread hysteria about Britain being ‘full up’ there is suddenly a strange shortage of human beings to take on jobs in retail and hospitality, making it harder for Brits to engage in their favourite hobbies of shopping and getting pissed. Why? Who knows? Only time will tell, as the BBC aren’t going to.
‘Christmas is coming’
Forget the misery of food shortages by focussing on the fact that Christmas is on its way. It’s a time for merrily gathering with family and friends and miserably realising there is no turkey, booze or toys because of… Oh. Brexit.