THE Guardian has published a guide to cooking quick, but delicious crystal meth for a casual Friday night get-together.
Food writer Carolyn Ryan said: “Methamphetamine is becoming very popular, but for first-time cooks, it’s hard to know where to start.
“Now you can set up a professional-looking meth lab in your own kitchen, using natural, ethically-sourced ingredients that won’t alert the authorities.
“I tested all of these recipes to make sure they had enough kick. Rest assured, I was absolutely fucked out of my bonce.”
Guardian reader Nikki Hollis said: “Some of the ingredients were quite hard to get. I had to break into a dentist’s to get my hands on mercury amalgam, which not even Ottolenghi makes you do.
“I also substituted paint thinner for nail polish remover, but none of my friends said anything, because they were too busy staring manically at everything and nothing at the same time.”