THE Mail on Sunday’s souvenir supplement commemorating Elizabeth II is to be so lavish it will fell every tree on the planet, the newspaper has confirmed.
The 80,208 page supplement, titled ‘Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II: A Life Well Lived And A Monarch Forever In Our Hearts’, will cover every single week in the monarch’s life in painstaking detail and contain every photo of her ever taken.
Every tree in the world is to be felled to make paper for the supplement, which will also consume all inks, wear out every printing press and burn out the hard drive of every computer on the planet.
Editor Julian Cook said: “Our parent organisation will be bankrupted in the production of this gargantuan supplement, which will sell for the normal cover price of £1.80.
“The entire banking system will also collapse due to the unpaid loans and pressure placed on it, as will all world governments. By midday on Sunday the earth will be a wasteland.
“Thus will material reality reflect how true Britons feels in their hearts following the loss of the Queen. The newspaper will also contain sudoku, the wordwheel and a Fred Bassett cartoon.”