New Vogue editor to put more emphasis on air rifles and carp fishing

THE new editor of British Vogue intends to make it the number one magazine for air rifles and carp fishing, he has announced.

As editor Alexandra Shulman steps down, 63-year-old replacement Roy Hobbs confirmed there will be more articles for readers who enjoy fishing in canals and shooting rats in disused warehouses.

Former forklift driver Hobbs said: “Vogue has always kept readers informed about which lip gloss gives the best long-lasting shine, but not the best way to finish off a wounded pigeon.

“I want us to appeal to the modern woman who’s juggling her relationship and career but still finds time to land 50lb monsters in competitive carp fishing tournaments.

“Our latest edition has a picture of the impossibly slim and beautiful Ruger Blackhawk CO2 air rifle on the cover instead of Lara Stone.

“There’s also a new column by Alexa Chung discussing carp issues ranging from the best-stocked ponds to mixing your own groundbait.

“Over time I hope to move all the fashion to a small section at the back to make space for new features like readers’ pictures of things they’ve shot while ‘lamping’.”

Vogue reader Nikki Hollis said: “It’s given me some great ideas for clearing out my bait box and getting a whole new set of maggots for spring.”

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Piers Morgan favourite to win The Great British Twat Off

PIERS Morgan is currently the frontrunner in a new TV competition to find Britain’s biggest twat.

BBC2’s The Great British Twat Off, hosted by Tim Lovejoy and Kay Burley, is ‘a celebration of the great British twat’.

Elite twats including Piers Morgan, Richard Littlejohn and every professional YouTuber will compete over eight weeks of events including attention-seeking, underhandedness and being needlessly obnoxious.

Tim Lovejoy said: “Contestants face a series of challenges in which they come up with the most indigestible, poisonous concoction of general twattery to serve up to the judges in the Twat Tent.

“Piers is a massive arse but he’s up against some stiff competition, especially as we’re still in talks with Iain Duncan Smith and the fox from the Foxy Bingo adverts.

“If he wants this thing he’s really going to have to be a bigger twat than ever and perhaps even grow a goatee. 

“It’s going to be a very interesting few weeks. I especially look forward to the Sucking Up To Donald Trump challenge.”

The winner will receive a trophy, book tokens and the keys to 10 Downing Street.