WORLD events which have nothing to do with the Queen are not to be reported because they are insignificant and impertinent, the British media has confirmed.
Though they are rudely still happening, unfolding global events unrelated to the tragic loss of Elizabeth II are banned from British media due to their problematic and inconsequential nature.
News editor Norman Steele said: “A reverential world would come to a halt for the next ten days while Britain is in mourning. We won’t broadcast anything that can’t be worked into our rolling news packages of grief.
“Any reporting on the war in Ukraine or floods in Pakistan would see us inundated with complaints from outraged royalists. In their eyes these stories are trivial in comparison, and mentioning them would be a gross sign of disregard.
“We will be playing it safe by training our cameras on the gates outside Buckingham Palace and Balmoral until we get the all-clear. Even then we’ll tread carefully by regularly cutting back to the gates in case there’s been an update.”
Viewer Martin Bishop from Stevenage said: “I don’t care if a nuclear warhead is heading straight for London. If the four-minute warning interrupts our gloomy pageantry I’m writing a stiff letter to Ofcom.”
