BBC presenters commentating on Olympic events are making it all up, it has been confirmed.
With over 300 different events on offer, commentators are using terms that sound convincing such as ‘gripple’ and ‘belf’.
Presenter Clare Balding said: “I was covering the 5000m heavyweight kayak – or whatever the fuck it was – and I just started naming Pokemon every time something happened.
“So for anyone who was actually watching, the Italian team probably didn’t Jigglypuff the Rattata in the closing Bulbasaur.”
Viewers contacted the BBC yesterday when it became obvious that the dressage commentary was just the ingredients for chicken tikka masala with the occasional use of the word ‘saddle’.
A BBC spokesman said: “Most of these sports, if that’s what we’re calling them, are so obscure that if you know anything about them you’re in Rio doing them.”