Only another 20 to 30 years of Brexit headlines, experts predict

EXPERTS have predicted that the British media will be able to cover subjects other than Brexit by approximately the middle of the 21st century. 

Media studies lecturer Denys Finch Hatton believes that by the 2040s the UK will once again be enjoying headlines about sex scandals, soap operas and minor royals being photographed naked, though he conceded it will be too late for many.

He added: “Obviously it’s Brexit right through this year, and the next decade, and much of the 2030s. It still won’t be sorted by that point. Don’t kid yourselves.

“But by around 2045 it will have settled down a bit and most Britons will remember it either fondly as part of their rioting youth, dimly as something they never quite understood, or be dead.

“Once again we’ll be free to enjoy stories like ‘Katy Perry’s sex robot tells all’, ‘Coronation Street goes 24 hours a day’, and of course ‘North Korea becomes 58th US state’.

“But until then it’s Brexit every morning in the papers, Brexit every night on the news, Brexit on your phone, Brexit in your head.

“It’s not so long, 30 years. You’ll only be old and grey by the time it’s over. That’s all.”

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Man baffled by concept of 'leftover' food

A MAN who recently discovered that other people sometimes have food left at the end of their meal is still trying to understand how it happens.

Wayne Hayes, 32, was at a friend’s for dinner when he first witnessed someone putting cooked food into the fridge rather than just eating all of it.

Hayes said: “Initially when my mate Chris took the dish of lasagne off the table I thought there must be something wrong with it. I’d had a second helping, but why would we not eat the rest of it?

“Then his girlfriend got out some Tupperware and shovelled the lasagne into it. She even wrapped the slices of garlic bread I hadn’t yet managed to fit on my plate in tin foil.

“They were talking about ‘having it for lunch’ the next day in a way that suggested this happens quite a lot. It’s all very strange.”

He added: “Does the melted cheese that’s been stuck to the grill for two weeks that you eat right before you shove it in the dishwasher count as leftovers?”