Review of the decade lists can f**k right off, says everyone

THE entire British population has experienced a rare moment of unity to tell ‘review of the decade’ lists to f**k right off.

With months still to go until 2020, the public has said it is just not ready to accept the passing of another 10 years, particularly given how sh*t most of them have been. 

Office worker Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t take any more ‘Top 50’ lists reviewing the decade’s TV, films and memes. They’re just a reminder of how fast the handcart is speeding towards Hell. 

“This is the decade when Love Island exploded, Star Wars went weird, and Brexit meant 2020 will be total rubbish. In that context I don’t need some smug broadsheet journalist to tell me how good Maroon 5 were in 2014.” 

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies called for an immediate ban to prevent the proliferation of mindless polls.

He said: “As this wheezing decade breathes its last breath, I would beg anyone who is complicit in making these lists to stop inflicting cruelty on a nation that is already suffering so much. 

“I especially implore them to stop mentioning the 2012 Olympics. To remind people of such optimism is simply barbaric.”

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Can anything stop Boris Johnson? Yes

IS Boris Johnson, armed with a fresh Brexit deal the sceptics said he could never get, now unstoppable? Nah. Here’s why.

His massive unpopularity

The country’s loathing of Jeremy Corbyn, who last week was voted less popular than expressing your cat’s anal glands, has blinded many to the fact that Boris Johnson is himself less popular than stepping barefoot on Lego. This may prove a hindrance.

It requires the support of people who hate him

It’s not easy to get people who’ve despised you for years to help you, particularly if you’ve ruthlessly sacked them. Boris expects this help, but only because he is Britain’s most entitled man. 

Everything he’s tried so far has failed

Returning from Europe with a bold new deal, giving nobody time to check the details and passing it on a Saturday is pure Boris theatre. Just like prorogation and all the other stuff that failed. Politics isn’t a Netflix show about politics where that crazy idea might just work.

Northern Ireland might matter

In a classic reverse ferret, Boris has moved from resigning over Northern Ireland to completely screwing Northern Ireland over within 15 months. The ERG may also be a problem here, although it’s hard to tell because they are hardcore nutters who call themselves ‘Spartans’ when they are in fact tubbies like Mark Francois.

He does rather mess things up

The prime minister does have a habit of unforced errors. The right-wing press has decided this doesn’t matter because he’s the new Trump, but that’s not working out for Trump right now. Giving a fruity American bird free taxpayer cash may backfire too.