Monday, 3rd August 2020

We're still evil despite being right about this one, confirms Daily Mail

THE Daily Mail has confirmed it is still evil to the core despite being right about the Dominic Cummings affair.

After criticising Cummings, Boris Johnson and other Tories, the paper has clarified its position on being evil to make sure readers did not think they were going soft.

Mail journalist Martin Bishop said: “Don’t worry, we’re still really evil. Foreigners, teachers, women – we still hate all those total bastards.

“We just felt that the Dominic Cummings affair was pretty clean cut and even a hate-mongering, right-wing rag like ours couldn’t argue against it.

“Normal service will soon be resumed. Tomorrow we’re running stories about Universal Credit cheats, leftie teachers and how women commit suicide if they’re not married.

“Then on Thursday we’ve got a photo feature about the 1950s, so our readers can leave hateful comments about how much better it was with less immigrants and more hanging.”

He added: “Just to be 100 per cent clear about this, we did actually back Adolf Hitler. Yes, it was a long time ago with different people in charge, but as our frequent coverage suggests, we still like Hitler a lot.”