Who the f**k is buying these spinning tops, say internet users

INTERNET users want to know who exactly the fuck is buying these titanium spinning tops that are advertised on every website. 

The spinning tops, crafted in a wide variety of metal finishes, are being advertised as if they were trainers or laptops or something useful despite being very much not.

Currency trader Julian Cook: “Spinning tops? The fuck?

“I’ve clicked on it, after the 90th time, and they seem to skip straight over the question of why anyone would need one and straight to choosing the top that’s right for you.

“I mean personally I’d go tungsten, it’s heavier and classier, but what the fuck am I thinking?

“I don’t want a spinning top, I’m not in Inception. Even if I could afford the full 16-top set with professional spinning base and wouldn’t the office be impressed with me.”

A spokesman said: “You haven’t got a spinning top? Not even our starter’s aluminum one?

“But what do you spin?”

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Woman to get through Tuesday by reminding herself it’s nearly Wednesday

AN OFFICE worker is struggling through Tuesday by focusing on making it to Wednesday, after which there are only two more days until the weekend.

Project manager Helen Archer has spent the morning repeating the words ‘nearly Wednesday’ over and over into her coffee mug like a magic spell against witches.

She said: “If I can get to Wednesday lunchtime it’s downhill the rest of the way.

“I texted ‘nearly Wednesday, lol’ to all my Whatsapp groups. Nobody’s replied yet, but then I haven’t checked my phone for nearly ninety seconds.

“Mathematically Wednesday’s midweek, but emotionally you’re almost done. Thursday’s all about anticipating Friday and Friday is the actual weekend really. It’s just you’re still in the office.”

Archer, who is planning to eat half her sandwich at 11am and the other half at 3pm to trick her brain into thinking she is having a leisurely lunch break, added: “Anyway, bank holiday next week.

“And after that there’s only 11 weeks until my holiday in the Canaries, and after that I really need to start thinking about Christmas.”