Police Threaten To Stop Shooting Brazilians In The Face

POLICE are threatening an immediate halt to all Brazilian face-shootings as part of their ongoing pay row with the government.

Another busy day, hunting down Brazilians

Tom Logan, chairman of the Police Federation, said his members were already operating a 'shoot-to-rule' and would only pump bullets into Brazilians, electricians, or both, during normal shift hours.

He said: "We don’t care if the guy's pinned in his seat and the gun's in his face. If it's clocking-off time, we down tools and that fanatical Brazilian can either blow himself up or continue his journey to work. Whatever."

"Without the police this country would be swarming with Brazilian electricians, undermining our values and that.

"People might think we sit around on our arses all day, sending squad cars out for fish and chips and ignoring your desperate pleas to stop the local kids urinating on your car. But we don't. We shoot olive-skinned electricians. In the face."

He warned that an all-out strike would also leave young black men free to drive their own cars and that second-round FA Cup matches would be forced to go-ahead without an intimidating police presence.

Logan added: "And who is going to stop you for having a faulty rear brake light and then lean in your window and make you feel small in front of your wife, while his partner leans in the other window, fondles his truncheon and winks at your missus?"