A WOMAN’S wedding day was ruined after she realised that the man she was marrying is an absolute bellend.
Lauren Hewitt, 34, had spent the previous 12 months so focused on preparing the perfect wedding day that she neglected to notice her fiancé Oliver O’Connor was an obnoxious twat.
Hewitt said: “Waiting to walk down the aisle, I knew I’d planned everything down to a tee. But as I approached Oliver at the altar I realised I’d spent longer thinking about table centrepieces than I had my choice of life partner.
“The fact that he was visibly hungover was bad enough, but when he muttered ‘Right, let’s get this over with’ my heart sank. I now realise that when my friends told me he was a useless bastard it wasn’t just because they were jealous of my inventive ‘glitter dreams’ wedding theme.”
After sneaking out for a cigarette during his father-in-law’s speech, O’Connor said: “I’ve asked the DJ to change our first dance from that sad Leonard Cohen shit that Lauren’s late mother loved. Her face is going to be an absolute picture when Mambo No. 5 comes on instead.”
Hewitt later added: “I’m going to salvage the day by getting lashed with friends, before looking into annulment in the morning.”
