Couple agree to ruin their weekend by visiting parents

A COUPLE have agreed to write off Saturday and Sunday by grudgingly deciding to spend them with one set of their ageing parents.

Nathan and Eleanor Muir reluctantly agreed they should spend some time with the old people who spawned them if they didn’t want to be cut out of the wills.

Nathan Muir said: “We had a big row about which massively inconvenient five-hour round trip to make, which Donna won as her parents live closer to a pub.

“So now we’re braced for 48 hours of over-boiled vegetables, complaints we live too far away and a painfully detailed description of their brand new cordless vacuum cleaner with two-year warranty.

“Then they’ll top it all off with a grilling about when we’re going to give them grandchildren. It’s going to be shit. I mean, lovely.”

Donna’s mother Carolyn said: “I couldn’t give a toss about grandchildren. I just enjoy seeing them squirm.”

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Student who only took General Studies sure it will open a lot of doors

AN A-level student who chose not to take any course except General Studies is confident he has a bright future.

Josh Hudson decided to do just the one subject because he did not want to work too hard, and now feels his D grade will bring exciting career opportunities.

Hudson said: “I’m gobsmacked about getting such a high grade. I was hungover when I took the mock so it doesn’t look like it’s been rounded down. If anything the exam board has been generous.

“I wasn’t confident about getting a place at university, but I realise now I was selling myself short. Thanks to clearing I’ve been offered a place at the prestigious English Language School of Streatham. 

“I assume that’s a highly respected English Literature degree, but that doesn’t mean I have to become an author or a books professor. Plenty of people with arts degrees end up in the City on 500k.

“Apparently I should have studied what my dad calls ‘real subjects’. It just goes to show how wrong he was. I guess he’s just not academic like me.”

Dad Roger Hudson said: “Frankly anything Josh does in the future is an exciting opportunity compared to sitting on the sofa texting and eating toast all day, every day.”