Couple don't realise they are having two entirely separate conversations

A MARRIED couple are having two entirely separate conversations without realising it.

Oliver and Charlotte O’Connor have both been talking about their respective days without noticing that the other party has not shown any indication of giving a shit about what they are saying.

Oliver said: “I was furious that Nathan asked me to cover the finance meeting when he knew I had a Zoom with Nikki.”

To which Charlotte irrelevantly replied: “You won’t believe what Julie from procurement brought in for her lunch.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The occasional use of ‘Mmm’ provides each half of the couple with enough encouragement to keep talking about their own, entirely unrelated tedious crap.

“Our research has found that if most couples listened to the soul-destroying nonsense their partner was saying just three per cent more of the time, there would be a corresponding 86 per cent rise in divorce.”

Charlotte said: “If I’m honest, I know Oliver is desperately boring but I’m scared of Tinder, so I plan to ignore the fact we’re incompatible indefinitely.”

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Mum asks if you're on pot

YOUR mum has asked if you are ‘high on pot’ and expects a serious answer, it has emerged. 

Following a conversation about the cultural phenomena of ‘memes’, which your mother has not heard of and yet is vehemently against, you made the mistake of giggling and were immediately questioned about your drug use.

Your mum continued: “I’m serious about this. Are you smoking these skunks I’ve read about? Because that is very dangerous.

“I wondered at Christmas, when you found it so funny that I’d left my oven glove in the plate warmer. That’s not normal to find that so funny, I thought.

“It’s not like when your dad used to smoke wacky baccy before we were married. It’s much stronger now. You can turn mentally ill after one toke. I saw it on Victoria Derbyshire.

“You’re laughing again. That proves it. I want you to take your stash of gear and flush it down the loo, right now. I can help with the cold turkey. I’ll drive over with a flask of soup.

“If you like I can bring some of that leftover Tramadol I got prescribed after my knee op. That’s harmless and it might help your shakes.”