A COUPLE who swore they would never be ‘those’ parents have absolutely, definitively become ‘those’ parents, acquaintances have confirmed.
Susan and Leon Traherne, parents of eight-month-old Theo, call each other ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’, use chemical-free wipes ordered from the internet, and have memorised the Ofsted report of every school within a 50-mile radius of their home.
Friend Mary Fisher said: “You have to take your shoes off at the door now. That’s how I knew.
“They’ve moved up to a bigger car, because you need a 4×4 when you’ve got an 18-pound baby, and they tut if you swear when the baby’s there. It’s a fucking baby.
“I bought their kid this plastic phone thing that makes noises when you push buttons. They said they’re bringing Theo up in a digital erasure space and put it on a high shelf.”
Susan said: “It’s amazing how Leon and I haven’t let parenthood change us. We always knew we’d be the cool mum and dad.
“Now, I must to upload the latest 311 pictures of Theo to the family WhatsApp group.”