AS Britain enters a bold new era, one couple reverentially made love for the first time under the reign of King Charles III.
Jordan Gardner and Charlotte Phelps of Kings Norton agreed the time was right for them to resume their sex lives and consummate the rule of the new King by having an afternoon quickie.
Post-coitally, Jordan explained: “As proud monarchists, like all young people, we thought it appropriate to hold off full relations for a few days following the nation’s tragedy. Of course we’ve done oral to tide us over, but with a deep degree of respect and reverence.
“But this afternoon seemed like the right time for us to commence our first lovemaking of the Carolean age. Perhaps it was the afrodisiac effect of the crisp sandwiches we enjoyed for lunch.
“So, we stood for the national anthem, placed a towel on the sofa and saluted a photo of our new king – and I challenge anyone not to be wildly aroused after that – before making sweet, pro-Royal love.
“In accordance with custom, I finished most satisfactorily and it’s my assumption that Charlotte did too. Then we turned the sound back up on BBC1.”
Partner Phelps said: “Everyone’s talking about this being a brand new age for the country, but Jordan’s as useless at foreplay as ever.”
