A FATHER-OF-TWO has decided to celebrate Father’s Day by drinking from lunchtime onwards, he has confirmed.
Joe Turner of Aylesbury thanked his children for their homemade cards and rudimentary gifts, then explained that what he really wanted to do to celebrate eight years of fatherhood was to get absolutely wrecked by 6pm.
He continued: “Open me a can, Tyler. Fetch the gin, Ruby. Today’s all about Dad.
“I may not like golf, racing cars or jet aeroplanes but, like all fathers, I love beer, sitting down and sloughing off all responsibility to get really, really mashed.
“I’ll be in this chair here downing the selection of high-strength ales you’ve bought me and I expect to laugh, to cry, to weep, to curse God, to babble incoherently and to wind up slumped on the floor whispering ‘Why?’
“Once I was a young man, carefree, unattached. Today I drink like that man and for that man, for he is long gone. Want to join me? Eight isn’t too young to start.”
Son Tyler said: “Dads are weird and useless generally. But this I think I can respect.”