A BUSINESS-SAVVY boyfriend has paid £108.90 on lingerie for his partner with hopes of returning significant gains from his investment.
Savvy capital-manager Joe Turner has released discretionary funding into a passion project that he believes will unlock the long-term benefit of seeing more of his girlfriend’s breasts.
Turner said: “To be the next billionaire, I listen to the Steven Bartlett podcast. It taught me that you’ve got to spend to earn.
“It can be written off as a gift against tax but I’ll be the one receiving benefits in kind, of unbridled arousal and according to my projections at least eight lights-on shags.
“It’s an investment in my own future. I’ll be looking at those assets for three market cycles minimum, so throwing some money their way now is the smart move. I’ll reap the rewards and hit my quarterly targets.
“She was delighted. Ha. If only she’d given a thought to the cost-benefit ratio priced against the average hourly wage for skilled manual labour.”
Girlfriend Ellie Shaw said: “What he’s overlooked is the rapidly depreciating returns based on how much less time he lasts.”
