Sunday, 16th May 2021

Female friendships 'exhausting', women confirm

WOMEN have agreed that friendship with other women is too stressful, preferring male-style friendships without any obligation for emotional support. 

The move comes after a number of long phone calls about relationships, the proliferation of WhatsApp groups requiring constant attention and the organising of a weekend away for Sophie’s birthday to ‘make her feel special’.

Nikki Hollis, aged 37, said: “Emma texted me last night with seven questions in a row. How’s Jake? Did you go to that place? How’s the cat? Did you sort things out with your mum? And you can’t miss out one answer or it’s rude. I’m shattered.

“You also have to buy a proper gift for their birthday and make sure to message them before Facebook reminds you, and it can’t be a voucher or they’ll be offended.

“And each time they f**k up their life, you have to spend ages thinking of ways that your own life is far worse, to make them feel better.

“Meanwhile my partner Jake talks to his mates about football, Jason Statham films and former Page 3 model Keeley Hazell. That sounds way better.”

Jake agreed: “Nikki is broken and exhausted by her friendships. I see my best mates Ryan and Tom couple of times a year, tops. I think Ryan got divorced. He seems fine.”