GOT a teenager? Any idea what they’re so massively f**ked off about? Here are five likely causes:
Something you said
You taught your adolescent how to speak but now it seems you’re only capable of spouting complete shite. What do you mean you ‘think she’ll regret a nose piercing’? Do you not trust her to make her own decisions? Someone call Oswald Mosley, there’s a new fascist in town.
Something you did
Could you be breathing/chewing/walking/existing any louder? F**king hell, it’s like you only exist to embarrass your teenager by any means necessary. Even the way you drive your car is cringe. Just drop them off round the corner – please.
This crap house
Don’t you think you should have been more financially secure before you committed to having kids? Like, millionaire-level secure? The lack of marbled floors or priceless Ming vases is so vexing right now.
You never warned them that becoming an adult was so f**king boring – or maybe you did, but they just weren’t listening and now they despise you anyway. How is it fair that your daughter has to unload the dishwasher? It’s not. It’s child cruelty.
If you insist on giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe your teenager is a regular Greta Thunberg who’s worried about how global warming will affect their generation for decades to come. But let’s face it, they might just want something earnest to complain about.