Saturday, 24th October 2020

Friends with benefits become acquaintances with benefits

FRIENDS with benefits Lucy Parry and Martin Bishop are relieved to have dropped the ‘friends’ element of their relationship so they can just get down to the shagging.

The pair say that spending time together and pretending to give a shit about each other’s personalities was getting in the way of the only thing they are interested in each other for.

Parry said: “We really took the ‘friends with benefits’ tag seriously, and used to hang around together going for coffee or watching films, but we were just treading water until a reasonable enough amount of time had passed and we could have sex.

“So by becoming acquaintances instead of friends we can stop wasting time and money buying takeaways and making tedious conversation and jump straight into bed instead.”

Bishop said: “It’s much more efficient to just exchange brief pleasantries, as you would with an acquaintance you met in the street, and then get down to it.

“I mention the weather, ask how her husband and kids are doing, and off we go.”