HAVING a child is the best way of letting people know you had sex fairly recently using faux modesty, it has been confirmed.
Getting pregnant enables you to subliminally announce you have had intercourse because the associated discomfort and pain stops it sounding as if you are showing off, according to mums-to-be and their partners.
Expectant mum Susan Traherne said: “People can’t miss my massive baby bump. And when they clock it a little voice in their head says, ‘Someone blew their beans up her fanny a few months ago.’
“I try to play down my sexual success by talking about how the baby’s coming along and whether it’s kicking yet. But I just know they’re curious about which position I got fertilised in and wondering if it took multiple, sweaty attempts to conceive. So I tell them. Repeatedly.
“I’m sure raising a child will be an amazing and rewarding experience, but the main reason I got knocked up is to let people know I’ve still got it. That’s right, I’ve had sex. Bareback. Jealous much?”
Friend Wayne Hayes said: “As with most things, it’s so much easier for women to humblebrag about having sex. Meanwhile us blokes have to complain about how empty our balls are, which is nowhere near as subtle.”