Giving up drinking: Ten ways to betray a best friend worse than shagging her husband

SHAGGING your partner isn’t at the top of the list of possible best friend betrayals. These things are even worse:

Getting married

BFFs, that’s what you both said. You don’t remember agreeing it was okay to get married, except maybe in a joint ceremony so you both passed this significant life milestone at exactly the same moment.

Buying a bigger house

She’s meant to remain in the exact same financial situation as you, like when you were students, but suddenly her and her partner have bought a four-bedroom semi 50 miles away. Rude.

Getting different eyebrows

You’ve always had the same eyebrows. You joke about it. But now she’s had hers microbladed. Have you done something to upset her?

No sign of the gift you gave her

You just knew she’d love those brass candlesticks as they fit with the funky vintage vibe you both love. But they’re nowhere to be seen in her new house. Which is suspiciously minimalist in style. How dare she evolve independently of you?

Telling someone else her secret

You thought you were the only person who knew her deepest, darkest secret but someone has just casually mentioned it in your old school friends’ WhatsApp group. How dare she make you feel not the most special.

Giving up drinking

You both loved Whispering Angel rosé, that was your thing. Now she raves about how she loves waking up clear-headed. Not acceptable.

Talking to someone you are both supposed to dislike

You both hate Gemma because of the thing she did ten years ago. So why is your best friend going to Starbucks with her? Is it to knock over her latte and spit on her chocolate tiffin slice? Apparently it’s so they can have a lovely catch-up, the nasty bitches.

Sending you a cut-and-paste WhatsApp

You sent her a carefully crafted 300-word message about the intricacies of your day, yet your friend’s reply starts only with ‘Hey!’ and gives a suspiciously generic update on her interview. Hmmm.

Having another best friend

Your best friend mentions Katie from the school gates, who apparently she has ‘known for ages’, before casually calling her her best friend. Smile calmly, then go out into the street and key a few cars.

Losing all that weight

You were both cheerfully larger and proud of it, and now she looks slender and toned. So now you have to do the same, and buy the same new clothes she has. Decide instead to get a different best friend who is fatter than you.

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Middle-class family builds gingerbread house and rents it to students

AN entrepreneurial middle-class couple have turned the gingerbread house they built with their children into an investment opportunity.

After spending the evening building and decorating the festive confectionery dwelling, Julian and Carolyn Cook immediately looked into renting it out to desperate students on Rightmove.

Julian Cook said: “Coming up to Christmas, and with a cost of living crisis happening, we thought it would be prudent to monetise this unique, cosy home in a prime London location.

“At just £800 per month it represents excellent value. Some people have pointed out that the cost per square foot – given that it’s only six inches by ten in size – makes it comparatively more expensive than a luxury Hong Kong penthouse. But that’s where the market is right now.”

Carolyn added: “Of course, being made of biscuit, it lacks running water, and will fail all checks required for accommodation intended for human habitation. But until the council get involved we may as well make a few quid while we can.”

One student viewing the property said: “There’d be little privacy, and I’d have to get rid of all my belongings, but at least it’s central. And if the worst comes to the worst I can just eat the bloody thing.”