Have you found your soulmate or are they just less annoying than everyone else?

IS the person you’re going out with the missing part of your soul or do they just get on your nerves less than your exes? Take our test and find out.

Complete the following sentence: “We’ve been together for six months and…

A)    I pine for them every moment we’re apart.

B)    I don’t want to punch them in their stupid fucking dumbo face every time I look at them.

Do you love them more than anybody else you’ve ever met?

A)    Yes, more than I ever imagined possible.

B)    Yes, but not as much as I love ham.

Do you ever argue?

A)    Only about who has the cutest belly button.

B)    Yes, but it hasn’t ended with one of us pissing in the other’s shoes yet.

Do you and your partner talk about plans for the future?

A)    Yes, we’ve already picked out names for our four future children, Kirk, Bethany-Louise-Amber, Southgate and Primula.

B)    Yes, we’re thinking of buying a Breville sandwich toaster together.

Would you spend the rest of your life with them?

A)    I hope reincarnation exists so I can spend hundreds of lives with them.

B)    It’s unlikely I can just have sex with one person for the rest of my life but there’s probably a few years in it, like an old Fiat Punto.

Mostly As. Aw! You are truly in love and meant to be together forever and ever and ever. Now excuse us while we throw up.

Mostly Bs. You have an admirably realistic view of relationships. One day you might meet someone even more tolerable.

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Excessive exclamation mark users vow they will 'never stop!!!'

PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.

Excessive punctuation fans say they will continue to make their texts and emails look as if they have been written by an excitable seven-year-old girl.

Administrator Francesca Ryan said: “Exclamation marks are brilliant because they instantly make a really dull message incredibly exciting.

“If you write ‘Hi Kate, how you doing?’ that’s just boring. But if you write ‘Hi Kate!!!!!!!! How you doing!!!!??!??!?!!?!!!??!!!!’ it’s so much more wacky and fun.

“Anyone who thinks it looks stupid can fuck off, and that includes the company I’ve just applied for a job with using a covering letter that starts ‘Dear Sir!!!’.”

Office worker Tom Booker said: “Exclamation marks are the only way of conveying my sheer joy at being alive, like today when I texted ‘Going 2 greggs for lunch!!!!!!!!!!’.”

Grammar expert Mary Fisher said: “People should ask themselves if they really want to send messages that look as though they’ve had a stroke while pressing down shift and 1.

“It looks terribly childish, so they really should desist. Sorry, I meant ‘desist!!!!!!’.”