'Generation Sensible' mainly into being sanctimonious little twats in surveys

A NEW generation of young people are rejecting sex, drugs and alcohol in favour of wanking on about their mature lifestyle in surveys.

So-called ‘Generation Sensible’ are avoiding potentially harmful behaviour and instead getting their kicks from telling people about how tediously responsible they are.

18-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “Getting drunk and taking drugs seems stupid to me when you can have just as much fun setting up a savings account to ease the financial pressure at uni.

“But the best thing is when a researcher or journalist asks me about Generation Sensible and I can drone on for ages about how I never get hangovers as if that is in some way interesting.

“When I’m blathering on about not having sex or getting pregnant I get this incredible rush which I’m sure is better than any drug, although obviously I wouldn’t know.

“Just talking about my deadly dull lifestyle now has given me a massive hit of smugness. It’s almost as good as revision.”

Hollis’ father Peter said: “Yes, Nikki really is ever so sensible. I wish she’d fuck off.”

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Couple move to countryside for simpler life of getting up at 5am to commute

A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.

Nathan Muir and Donna Sheridan were excited to leave the city behind and embrace a new lifestyle of being completely knackered all the time.

Muir said: “We’ve always been outdoorsy so it’s lovely trudging to the station in the dark when even the birds haven’t got up yet.

“We’re just so happy to be spending well over 20 hours a week on a train between London and a village we’re telling ourselves is in the commuter belt.

“It’s such a blessing to step off the train at the end of the day, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and know that no matter how tired I am it’s not as bad as I will feel in the morning.”

Sheridan added: “Last night I got back after 9pm which meant I got to look at the stars on the way back from the station, although I had to hurry home in case I fell asleep in the road.

“Living in the country just feels like a more authentic knackering experience than my previous 40-minute tube journey to work.”