A NEW generation of young people are rejecting sex, drugs and alcohol in favour of wanking on about their mature lifestyle in surveys.
So-called ‘Generation Sensible’ are avoiding potentially harmful behaviour and instead getting their kicks from telling people about how tediously responsible they are.
18-year-old Nikki Hollis said: “Getting drunk and taking drugs seems stupid to me when you can have just as much fun setting up a savings account to ease the financial pressure at uni.
“But the best thing is when a researcher or journalist asks me about Generation Sensible and I can drone on for ages about how I never get hangovers as if that is in some way interesting.
“When I’m blathering on about not having sex or getting pregnant I get this incredible rush which I’m sure is better than any drug, although obviously I wouldn’t know.
“Just talking about my deadly dull lifestyle now has given me a massive hit of smugness. It’s almost as good as revision.”
Hollis’ father Peter said: “Yes, Nikki really is ever so sensible. I wish she’d fuck off.”