Have your own bed and house: secrets to a lasting marriage

THE strongest marriages can weather any storm, particularly if you only occasionally see each other. Here’s how to ensure your marriage lasts: 

Marry someone your friends and family hate

Binding yourself to someone who everyone in your life has already told you is a terrible choice means you can’t back out of it without proving them right. The desire to save face will keep you together through even the toughest of times.

Have children with other people

Disagreements about child-rearing can be a major source of conflict in marriages. The surefire way to avoid this is to procreate with someone outside your relationship, either before but preferably during your marriage.

Go into it with your eyes closed

Like a night in a Travelodge or a kebab, an enduring marriage does not survive close examination. Pay no attention to details like their past or their plans for the future, and continue to ask as few questions as possible. The less you know, the less there is to argue about.

Have your own bed in your own house

Intimacy is all very well, but there is no place for it in the long term. Happiness as a couple relies on each partner being able to sweat, fart and fidget in their own bed, with occasional nights together to keep track of one another’s physical decay.

Be realistic

Be honest about what you can reasonably expect from a union aiming to last thirty years longer than it should. Marriage is work, but not the paid kind that offers a gym discount, and the secret to staying together is accepting that the whole idea may be a terrible mistake.

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Thoughtful husband reminds wife she needs to buy presents for his family too

A CARING family man has thoughtfully given his wife a list of his relatives to choose, purchase and wrap presents for.

Tom Logan made sure he told partner Helen to buy gifts for his parents, siblings and nieces in plenty of time, so that everyone would get the perfect item.

Logan said: “Christmas isn’t just about my wife buying presents for her family. It’s about her buying presents for my family too.

“The spirit of the season is for her to spend hours agonising over what relatives of mine she’s met twice would really like to receive, with no input from me.

“I’d better also remind her to choose which website she wants a gift card for or she’ll think I don’t put any effort into our relationship.”

Helen Logan said: “For our anniversary this year, Tom asked me to pick out a card for him to give me, so that he’d be sure I’d like it and definitely not because he couldn’t be bothered to get his arse to a shop.

“It’s this kind of effort that makes me glad I married him.”