THE strongest marriages can weather any storm, particularly if you only occasionally see each other. Here’s how to ensure your marriage lasts:
Marry someone your friends and family hate
Binding yourself to someone who everyone in your life has already told you is a terrible choice means you can’t back out of it without proving them right. The desire to save face will keep you together through even the toughest of times.
Have children with other people
Disagreements about child-rearing can be a major source of conflict in marriages. The surefire way to avoid this is to procreate with someone outside your relationship, either before but preferably during your marriage.
Go into it with your eyes closed
Like a night in a Travelodge or a kebab, an enduring marriage does not survive close examination. Pay no attention to details like their past or their plans for the future, and continue to ask as few questions as possible. The less you know, the less there is to argue about.
Have your own bed in your own house
Intimacy is all very well, but there is no place for it in the long term. Happiness as a couple relies on each partner being able to sweat, fart and fidget in their own bed, with occasional nights together to keep track of one another’s physical decay.
Be honest about what you can reasonably expect from a union aiming to last thirty years longer than it should. Marriage is work, but not the paid kind that offers a gym discount, and the secret to staying together is accepting that the whole idea may be a terrible mistake.