Heroic dog saves woman from drunk-dialling her ex

A DOG has been honoured for heroically saving a woman from phoning her ex-boyfriend while wasted.

Five-year-old Baxter has been named ‘the very best boy, yes he is’ after wrestling the iPhone out of his owner Nikki Hollis’s drunken, remorseful and horny hands.

Nail technician Hollis said: “I was hammered. I’d been watching Beyoncé. I felt strong, though I was crying. 

“I’d found him in my contacts under ‘Wanker’ and was about to press and then sing Single Ladies, again while crying, when Baxter leapt up and knocked the phone from my fumbling, pissed hands. 

“Then he started barking and upstairs started banging and I threw up in the kitchen sink. It’s a modern-day miracle.” 

Baxter said: “I’m no hero. Honestly, it was 90 per cent instinct. It’s just Tom’s so bad for her.” 

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Leaders of North and South Korea exchange duty free

A HISTORIC moment has taken place as the leaders of North and South Korea exchanged duty free gifts in the demilitarised zone.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was given 200 Marlboro Lights in a carrier bag by South Korean president Moon Jae-in, greatly reducing tensions in the region.

In return, the South Korean leader received a giant Toblerone, a bottle of Gordon’s gin and a plastic M&Ms figurine.

Both leaders remained tactful and diplomatic during the meeting, at one point opening the cigarettes and having a fag break.

Jae-in said: “I am indebted to Kim Jong-un for his embrace of diplomacy on this historic day, and for the bottle of Gordon’s. It is a one-litre bottle and in my country you can only get 70cl.

“I know he got two for 20 quid, but I don’t mind that. He’s probably saving the other one for Donald.”