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Hot 20-year-olds looking for millennial sugar daddies to be very disappointed

SEXY girls in their early 20s looking for rich men two decades older to give them luxury lifestyles have nothing but disappointment ahead. 

Attractive, work-averse young women planning to trade their looks for financial stability are finding any man within an acceptable age range does not own a house, has not paid off his student loans and asks to borrow money on the second date.

Aspiring influencer Grace Wood-Morris, aged 21, said: “I was fishing for London townhouse, Dubai apartment and Soho House membership. Instead I’m lucky if they’re in a flatshare.

“Tradwife TikToks are making finding a suave, booted-and-suited man in finance seem easier than it is. My last date does evening shifts at Tesco and wore a T-shirt with an anime character on. He was 45.”

22-year-old twink Josh Hudson said: “It’s no easier being gay. Once, these looks would buy me an international financier with a stocked wine cellar who flies me to the Basel art fair. Not a 38-year-old who expects me to put out after a backie on his Lime bike.”

Cash-strapped millennial James Bates said: “I’d love the kind of relationship where everyone looks at the girl I’m with and says she’s just with me for my money.

“But you know who’s only interested in me for my money? My landlord. And I have to pay him to sit around doing f**k all before I can pay some hot young piece to do the same thing.”

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Why I am not fighting government oppression now it's actually happening, by an American gun owner

By Josh Gardner, the guy in the ‘My gun permit is the Second Amendment’ T-shirt

YEAH, so I’m the guy who repeatedly stated my guns were for taking up arms against tyrannical governments? But I can’t right now because I got an orthodontist appointment. 

Sure, I’m outraged anyone’s challenging our fundamental Biblical right to carry a concealed automatic weapon in dangerous situations such as protests, school sporting events and ordering coffee. That’s what I’m all about.

But y’all don’t appreciate the insurmountable obstacles to me getting out one of my five heavily modified AR-15s and violently resisting government tyranny.

First, there’s the orthodontist. In a guerrilla campaign against government forces, poor oral hygiene cuts down on my combat effectiveness. I can’t be in a firefight and letting my buddies down due to inflamed gums.

And there’s an old dining table in the garage my wife’s hassling me to get rid of. I owe it to her to clear that before risking my life in a Red Dawn-style resistance, even if waging war from the woods does mean cathartic sex with a militiawoman like a young Jennifer Grey.

Also, that whole walking-the-walk-not-talking-the-talk deal? Got me questioning whether morbidly obese MAGA men like I am should be taking on professional soldiers trained to quickly flank enemies and shred buildings with heavy weapons.

Hit-and-run tactics are out of the question, cause of the running part, so I’m increasingly of the view that we should wait in the shadows like ghosts, striking only once we’ve bought a tank.

But the main reason I can’t immediately start attacking government forces is the tyrannical government ain’t the enemy. Being honest, I always imagined myself shooting the folks they’re rounding up.

So I’m placing a hold on that whole armed resistance thing until I hear back about my application to ICE. And then it’s weapons up and the whole neighbourhood’s my free fire zone.

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