PLANNING a romantic break with your beloved? Follow these tips and you’ll be lucky to make it home alive, let alone in love.
Before you even set off, make sure you’ve stored up a list of unachievable goals in your head. Whether it’s having sex five times a day, visiting every single museum in a 50-mile radius, or simply enjoying each other’s company, the key thing is that they are unrealistic. You’ll be in the mood to re-evaluate your feelings for each other in no time.
Refuse to compromise
Your partner wants to laze around in bed until noon, you want to be up at dawn marching around a castle. Your partner wants to communicate using mispronounced local phrases from the guidebook, you prefer to shout loudly in English. You’ll waste your holiday seething at each other but, whatever clashes you encounter, the important thing is that you never back down.
Being overly ambitious in pursuit of the perfect romantic memory is a surefire way to disappoint yourselves and kick-start the bickering. There’s nothing like hiking up a mountain for sunset to be greeted by 90 per cent cloud cover, or a visit to a stunning waterfall that involves a 13-hour coach journey with no loo stops. Your trip will soon become unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
Say what’s on your mind
When your partner grosses you out, bores the shit out of you, or simply deviates from your idealised view of them in any way, call them out on it instantly. You’ll soon find you’re pecking at each other so much that there’s no time to talk about anything else, let alone relax and enjoy your getaway.
Don’t say what’s on your mind
If your partner picks their teeth with a matchstick or makes you watch 37 TikToks in a row, don’t gently voice your disapproval. Store up the irritation and even tiny niggles will soon reach deal-breaking levels, meaning you can enjoy a huge, explosive argument on the final day of the trip. Romance is dead: job done!