SIX weeks of isolation was, it turns out, all it took to smash your relationship with your partner to smithereens. But can it be put back together?
Conversationally, you tapped out a long time ago. There’s nothing new. So stay together but take a year, or maybe two, off talking so you can gather new anecdotes and curate new opinions. Let silence be golden.
Go out for meals
Once you can, eat out. That way you can order separately, avoiding rows about dinner, there’s plenty to look at and waiters to banter with so it’s not just each others’ cold, glaring eyes. You might even see couples who hate each other more than you do.
See someone else
Unorthodox, but you’ve been in the deep end for two months now so you both could use a palate cleanser. And it could remind you of your partner’s positive points rather than all the terrible, terrible things they do, like breathing slightly too loudly, or talking to you.
Pity other couples
Go through all of the couples you know and compare your relationship to theirs. For example, the Facebook live quiz organised by Emma and Tom last night clearly came straight after a blazing row, which is why all her questions were ‘Why does Tom have to be such a prick?’ You’re better off than they are.
When all else fails, pretend to be other people. Forget sexy lingerie and go straight for full body suits and masks. Who could possibly be under that Parappa the Rapper outfit? Certainly not the man whose dumps you’ve been smelling for the past two months. Sexy!