'I love her but…' says woman about to issue brutal takedown of friend's entire personality

A WOMAN has earnestly expressed how much she loves one of her friends immediately before slagging off everything she says and does.

Lauren Hewitt went out for coffee with another friend for the express purpose of listing their mutual pal Sophie Rodriguez’s flaws, and then spent two hours analysing each of them exhaustively.

Lauren said: “Sophie is great. It’s just that she has terrible taste in men, dresses badly, ignores my advice, has a career I’m envious of and generally does stuff that means I have to rip her to shreds behind her back on a regular basis.

“But don’t get me wrong, at the end of the day, we’re really close friends. And that’s because of her many great qualities that I can’t think of right now, and not just because she’s always free to go for cocktails if everyone else is busy.”

Sophie Rodriguez said: “I love Lauren even though she can tend to be a bit critical of other people. In fact, she’s probably the biggest, bitterest bitch the world has ever seen.

“But it’s nice to have a friend who is more f**ked up than you.”

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Teen distressed to walk in on parents watching Bridgerton together

A TEENAGE boy was shocked and disgusted after walking in on his parents watching a racy scene in the new season of Bridgerton.

Having left his bedroom to get some crisps, Stephen Malley, aged 15, was stunned to open the sitting room door to his parents staring slack-jawed at a full HD scene of a randy viscount going down on a loudly enthusiastic woman.

Malley said: “I heard this frantic shrieking from the sitting room when I was coming downstairs and thought the cat must be having an aneurysm or something.

“But no, they were avidly watching a bunch of Regency perverts have it off. This is way out of character for them. I mean, they were basically watching porn – but porn that’s also a history lesson, so it’s boring.

“They didn’t even seem embarrassed. Why is doing it in period costumes fine but when dad finds ‘fur-suit threesome’ in the family PC’s internet search history he goes mental? It’s sick and they are hypocrites.”

Roy Malley said: “If he’s taken us watching Bridgerton this badly, we’ll maybe shelve our plans to come out as swingers.”