ALL the social, economic, physical or psychological challenges you face are entirely the fault of your parents, new research has confirmed.
Although parents try to shirk responsibility by claiming they did their best and gave you every opportunity, each one of your flaws and failings can be laid at their feet.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Struggling to pay your rent? Haven’t had a shag in years? Eat crisp sandwiches for breakfast?
“None of it is your fault. We’re still as yet unsure whether it is due to genetics or environment, but your inability to book a dentist appointment is not due to any failing on your part, but because the people that raised you are twats.”
Kelly Howard, aged 29, said: “The relief I feel that I’ve been right all along about my sack of shit parents is enormous.
“I can’t wait to yell this in Mum’s face next time she gently suggests it would help my career if I stopped falling out with colleagues and having to move jobs every six months.”
Her mum Mary said: “I wish my mother was still alive to blame. My children are such f**k ups and it’s all her and Dad’s fault.”