It turns out we couldn't do better after all, reunited couple admits

A COUPLE who claimed they had split for a whole host of reasons have got back together after discovering that they could not do better than each other after all. 

Nathan Muir and Emma Bradford told friends their relationship was over due to basic incompatibilities and a breakdown of trust, but on reuniting have admitted they were both hoping to trade up.

Bradford said: “Yeah, it had just got a bit stale, you know? Plus I had one definite improvement ready to go and quite a few others on the back burner.

“However the first one turned out to be an undischarged bankrupt living in his auntie’s garage, another possible made me listen to his rap mixtape, and the third, well let’s say he gave me a new baseline for ‘shit in bed’.

“Tinder was a dickheads’ parade, nightclubs are worse, and while one-night stands sound deliciously thrilling from inside coupledom in reality there’s a reason why you fuck off at 6am.

“Six months of that and cosy old Nathan, vintage Subbuteo collection and chronic flatulence and all, doesn’t seem so bad.”

Muir said: “None of the other women measured up to Emma. But there definitely were other women. Loads and loads and loads of them.”

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Could you be one of the tossers on The Apprentice?

YOU may think you’ve got the business acumen to take part in The Apprentice, but you’ll need to be a sizeable twat as well. See if you’ve got what it takes.

Shit business ideas

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Total willingness to be humiliated

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A strange personality

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Zero self-awareness

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Total lack of shame

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A large streak of thinly veiled evil

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