CHILDREN want lessons about same-sex relationships to continue, but mainly because they are an excellent doss, they have announced.
While some parents want the lessons to be banned, kids themselves say they are extremely worthwhile because watching embarrassed teachers talk about sex is better than actual work.
Seven-year-old Joseph Turner said: “They say the lessons will make us ‘confused’, but they’re piss-easy compared to long division. No confusion there.
“In any case, as a child I think all sex is weird and gross, whether it’s between a man and a woman, two men, two women, or two big hairy spiders. Yucky or what?
“However I don’t want the lessons to stop because we all really like seeing Mr Hibbert go bright red whenever he says the word ‘puberty’.
“We’ve started asking him what a ‘boner’ is because then he looks as if he’s going to cry. It’s so good to get a better understanding of LGBT issues.
“I think what I like most is that the lessons are mostly just stories about two male penguins who fall in love and there aren’t any tests. Tests are totally gay.”