'Lockdown brought us closer', says one couple in whole UK

FOR a single married couple in the whole of Britain, enforced time at home together has not been a curse but a blessing. 

While most of the country’s 34 million couples have found new reasons to loathe one another, James and Hannah Bates have been reconnecting and laughing like they have not in years.

Friend Lauren Hewitt said: “I Zoomed her with a funny story about Rob hiding from me in the shed while I was hiding from him in the toilet, because we hate each other, and she was all like ‘Wow James and I are so close now.’

“They wake up together, have meals together, go on little walks. It’s unnatural.

“I mean I knew there must statistically be one couple not Googling ‘divorce’ while staring straight ahead, but that I should know them personally? What are the odds?

“Straight away I got on to my mate Kerry, to tell her about these sick freaks. She was parked up at a reservoir in the rain rather than be at home with her boyfriend.”

James Bates said: “Also, we’ve really been enjoying spending time with the kids.”

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Couple request mortgage holiday after trip to Waitrose

A COUPLE who decided to shop in Waitrose as a treat have come home and immediately requested a three-month mortgage holiday. 

Tom and Natasha Logan decided that they deserved better than their weekly click-and-collect and did a big shop in the upmarket store which had to be put on credit card.

Tom said: “I realise now we were naïve. But it all seemed so nice and gentle and welcoming.

“I began on high alert, warning Nat when she strayed near the vine-ripened tomatoes and those inviting little trays of plump raspberries, which made me feel gauche and cruel.

“It’s so blessedly civilised in there. No-one yells at their kids and all the elderly shoppers are the friendly kind in pastel cardigans, not the grizzled kind with green tattoos who’d fight you for a nicotine hit.

“In retrospect, the tipping point was the essentials Grana Padano. Essentials is how they get you. Then caramelised onion hummus, and by the end if felt totally normal to be spending £6.50 on two ‘salted caramel crème pots’.

“I called the mortgage people and they said they understood and had we tried the lavender-flavoured shortbread? So we’re going back next week.”