Friday, 7th May 2021

Thousands of naked people queue for Primark as their cheap shit clothes fell apart weeks ago

PRIMARK branches around England are besieged by naked Primark customers whose crappy clothing fell apart a fortnight into lockdown. 

Queues of nude cheapskates stretch for almost a mile, with customers desperate to get inside and cover their nakedness for the month the stitching lasts out.

Susan Traherne of Ashton-under-Lyne said: “My whole wardrobe’s Primark, or it was. There’s nothing left but a few rags that dissolve into handfuls of threads when you touch them.

“Neither I nor any of the rest of the family has worn clothes since March. It’s like the garden of Eden round ours. Mainly we’ve got away with it, though clap for the NHS was always awkward.

“I can’t wait to pull a new cardigan over my shoulders and revel in its warm embrace until the seams begin to split and the sleeves unravel. That 20 minutes will be so sweet.”

Primark has confirmed that changing rooms will be closed and clothes cannot be tried on, because there is little chance they would survive the experience.