Monday, 25th May 2020

Man 'babysitting' his children while wife 'meets friend for coffee'

A MAN who refers to looking after his own children as ‘babysitting’ has taken his wife’s claim to be ‘meeting a friend for coffee’ entirely at face value. 

Nathan Muir is ‘keeping an eye on the brats’ while wife Sophie is enjoying a rare evening of freedom with a friend he ‘wouldn’t remember’ at a location ‘somewhere in town’.

He said: “It’s easy money really. I get to help myself to the fridge and watch whatever I like on Netflix and they rarely even wake up.

“I don’t mind holding the fort while she discusses what haircut she’ll get next or whatever. Though I hope she’s not out half the night like last time. Getting them ready for school’s above my pay grade.”

Sophie Muir said: “Nathan’s view of the children as a burden I’ve visited on him that he occasionally deigns to share is counterbalanced by his total obliviousness to everything I do, both in and outside the home.

“I’m having a torrid affair with the guy who does our gutters. We have passionate, unrelenting sex once a week at the Ibis on the ringroad. It works for my family.”