A MAN whose partner has just given birth to a whopping 10lb baby is boasting about it like it was a huge personal achievement.
New dad Jordan Gardner has been proudly showing off about the slightly freakish size of his newborn son to his mates as if it’s something he takes all the credit for.
Gardner said: “Honestly, he’s enormous. My sperms must be massive, nuclear-strength leviathans to produce something like this single-handedly. Basically like sharks swimming around in my balls.
“I reckon if there was a full-scale baby fight on the maternity ward he’d batter the crap out of all of them, and have me to thank for it.”
Partner Nikki Hollis said: “While it’s touching that Jordan is so proud of his new son, he’s got f**k all to take credit for as I was the one who grew that massive baby and then squeezed it out of a place that, frankly, was nowhere near big enough.
“Still, given all the patching up that’s gone on down below, Jordan won’t be getting a shag for several months. That’ll put a dent in his undeservedly massive ego.”