Man can't understand why girlfriend's electric toothbrush runs out of charge so much faster than his

A MAN has admitted he is perplexed as to why his girlfriend’s electric toothbrush is always on charge. 

Ryan Whittaker saw partner Sophie Rodriguez’s Oral-B Vitality Plus plugged in again while his still has a week of charge left, even though she brushes her teeth no more frequently than he does, and cannot fathom why or how.

He said: “I presume it’s a manufacturer’s fault. After all, she’d need to be using it for at least 20 minutes every day to run out that quick, and she only brushes her teeth for two.

“I’ve offered to send it back as it must still be under warranty but she’s weirdly defensive about it. In fact she slapped my hand away when I tried to touch it.

“So I suggested she go back to using a non-electric one, but she said that wouldn’t be as satisfying. I guess it’s good she takes her oral hygiene so seriously.”

Rodriguez said: “Ryan’s never exactly been the quickest electric toothbrush in the bathroom.”

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Twat can't go five minutes without mentioning how close we are to Christmas

A WANKER with nothing better to do is unable not to inform you how many days there are left until 25th December.

Tom Logan, an adult man with a job and home, is completely obsessed with behaving like a f**king spoken-word advent calendar no matter how much everyone wants him to stop.

He explained: “Yesterday it was 54 days until Christmas, and now it’s only 53.

“I like to keep everyone up to date because there’s a lot to prepare, isn’t there? Buying the presents, getting them wrapped, ordering the turkey… those days will be gone before you know it.

“And when people say there might not be any Christmas this year, I tell them lockdown can’t beat the festive spirit and begin humming Mariah Carey. Ho ho ho!”

Friend Martin Bishop said: “It’s annoying every year. But when Christmas is likely to mean being locked in your home, unable to see anyone, having received nothing but online vouchers as presents and with nothing to do but drink, it’s worse.

“Hang on, actually, that sounds alright. That sounds great in fact. How many days did you say it was, Tom?”