Man does walk of shame from PornHub to his bed

A MAN embarked on a humiliating walk of shame from the world’s leading porn site to his bed.

Following a night in drinking with his friends over Zoom, Tom Logan fully intended to go straight to sleep but was led astray by the promise of a dalliance with his old flame.

Logan said: “I was weak. I guess I was seduced by the temptation of millions of hardcore videos that stream quickly and in sometimes disturbingly high quality.

“No sooner had I clicked on the homepage link than we were down to business. I could barely get my pants off quick enough while it was bombarding me with X-rated clips with upsettingly descriptive titles.

“After getting what I came for I was overwhelmed with embarrassment and got out of there. Shuffling to my bed with my trousers round my ankles wasn’t my proudest moment.”

Logan’s friend Stephen Malley said: “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, we all do it. We just wish Tom had left the video call and turned his webcam off first.”

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Why 2016 wasn't that bad if you think about it

WE all thought 2016 was terrible at the time, but the year of celebrity deaths, Brexit and Trump was a walk in the park compared to 2020. Here’s why.

You could drown your sorrows in the pub

There was a lot to be upset about in 2016, but at least you could drink your troubles away with your mates down the boozer. Now you have to bulk-buy beer from the offie and get drunk over Zoom. Trivia quizzes were still a tedious, pedantic slog, though.

The first six months were okay

Up until things got weird in June, 2016 was a relatively chilled one. Meanwhile this year has gifted us with bushfires, a failed impeachment trial and a global pandemic. Unless 2020 pulls something out of the bag in the next few weeks, 2016 will come out on top.

One-night stands were an option

Casual sex wasn’t exclusive to 2016, but it was there to cheer you up. The closest you’ll get to such debauched thrills these days is if someone winks at you from the other side of the road.

You didn’t know what furloughed meant

Sounds like it’s something to do with farming, right? There was no reason to suspect this obscure piece of employment jargon would enter your day-to-day vocabulary along with coronavirus, epidemiologist and Joe Wicks.

Johnson wasn’t the prime minister

Cameron bet his political career on the referendum and lost, but imagine telling someone in 2016 that this gamble was small fry compared to our current PM’s failings. You might as well tell them not to get tickets to the Tokyo Olympics while you’re at it.