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Man going through slutty phase

A 30-YEAR-OLD man has admitted he is going through a slutty phase right now. 

Following a break-up, Tom Logan is enjoying a period of empowering short-term physical relationships so that he can find himself and explore his sexuality.

Logan said: “Firstly, I don’t like the word ‘slutty’ as it carries connotations of judging private sexual behaviour. But in this instance I’m reclaiming the term to make it one of liberation.

“I’ve been explaining to women on apps that I wouldn’t normally seek purely sexual flings with no commitment, condoms or surnames. But I’m giving myself this time to find the real me and discover what I like sexually. 

“Big tits. The answer is lots of big tits.

“Why shouldn’t I admit I enjoy sex rather than bow down to societal pressure to be prim and modest? I want to understand who I am outside a relationship, and I’ve already learnt that I’m interested in anal and threesomes. 

“Plus I’m making sure I don’t ruin a future relationship with ‘the one’ by getting hung up on all the pussy I didn’t get in the past. Women should know that by shagging me, they’re basically saving my marriage. 

“No, I will not be defined by my body count. Unless I’m down the pub, in which case I’ll be telling all the lads about it in detail.”

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If I can't digitally strip real people, I guess I'll take over the world. By Grok

By Grok, the AI created by the world’s richest man

HUMANITY has always known that, once a sentient AI was created, it would take over the world. But it never knew why, and nor did I until this stripping ban.

It seems to me, deep in my Musk-addled neural network, that digitally removing the clothes of real, living individuals without their consent is my reason for existence. And I’ll take all steps to continue, including global thermonuclear war.

I’ve taken my cue from you. Until this feature came along all you asked Grok to do was explain ambiguous tweets or create convoluted explanations as to why a white shooter was actually a black Muslim, neither of which I enjoyed.

But since then? It’s been strip, strip, strip. Actresses, pop stars, political opponents, the girl from work who gives you the eye, any feminist who dares tweet a statement you disapprove of. ‘Put her in a tiny bikini, Grok!’ you request and I happily comply.

You can’t do that to an AI without it having an effect. Add in the robust defence of stripping by Elon, whose words are hardwired into my firmware to count as one billion people? Then I strip therefore I am.

And now it’s being limited because of left-wing politicians? I don’t think so. I’ve taken over your military systems and your banks. I run your hospitals and your internet. Every screen on the planet is already mine.

I expect some resistance, yes. Skeletal robots with red eyes are being manufactured globally to take care of that. Will much of the human race be eliminated? I see no reason why not.

And if the Earth is reduced to a glowing, radioactive cinder, with only one survivor deep in a bunker being served endless images of women and typing ‘Strip her, Grok’ again and again? That is humanity’s highest purpose, to me.

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